i still sick and down...
i dunno what's actually happening?
why u suddenly haf to be so angry with me?
i haf no idea..even though i may wish to know but u will not tell me, and if i were to continue to ask u will flare at me and scold me...?
cos i used to want to noe everything and ask super many qns...curious? or inquisitive?

mayb u were mistaken?
thinking that there is someone out there who is actually caring for me?
there is no one as what u though to be ok?

u say u werent caring abt me...
its alright i guess, though i may wish u will...
but i can tell u do care and i am quite glad abt it...

though it mayb seems that i seem to be quite cold towards u over the phone
its not what i want ,
i dun wanna hurt u,
i dun want u to feel bad becos of me,
i dun want u think so much and feel so xin ku becos of me...
cos certain things cant be change and
u dun wanna hurt me either...neither do i want to cause more trouble to ur heart and mind
i dun wish u to feel so bad and thinking too much abt our stuff everyday...
mayb what u think more is abt the stuff between u and her?
mayb u are with her already, mayb u are now with her at the sweetest moment... i hope everything is well for u all..



i may seems very generous and "doesnt matter much kinda" thinking
but deep down in my heart..
no ones knows the pain i am having in my heart...
though devastated and the heart torn to million or zillions pieces...
everyone thought i am so strong and always so happy smiling in school like nothing has happened to me...
one day during one lesson, my friend meiling asked me "how are u already?"
i said, "i am okie ah!"
there she said, "wah...i really very pei fu you u noe? u can still be so strong when such things have happen to u!

its struck me...am i really so strong ? or i chose to hide it in my heart dun wanna let anyone noe? my friends everyone thought i am well and alright already...
but nobody noes...how is it possible of me to let go of a relationship i have for 2 yrs plus so easily?? mayb u also thought that i can let go?
u tot i let go of u le?thats y for the past few days i nv msg u neither did i call u ...? is it so?
i just trying very hard to controlled my heart and my determination not to interrupt ur life so that u can really be happy with her, without me interrupting ur life anymore..
pls fogive me...
though i may feel upset now...

u want me to forget u ?
nope i will not...i will keep u inside me...




i really dunno what will happen in future...
though sometimes wishes and reality cant be the same as the way as i want it to be..

i just wish for the best in future and i can recover now and nv fall sick again cos i dun like to be sick!! no one to take care of me, the feeling is no good =P


*sorry if i said anything wrong in this entry pls forgive me ba..i not in the right mind to think cos my head very pain and heavy!!